November 21, 2011

Rabid Rewind: Transformers 3


Transformers: Dark of the Moon
starring Shia LaBeouf, not Megan Fox, and a bunch of giant robots
directed by Michael Bay
screenplay by ... an eight-year-old boy playing with action figures?
Paramount Pictures (2011)

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, and a shame bomb blows up in my brain.

The number of things I hated about this movie are too plentiful to count, due in large part to its ungodly two and a half hour running time. So, if you want to know what I thought of this movie, just read my review of Transformers 2 and replace the "2" with a "3."

For now I will challenge myself to write something nice about this movie.

...

Ummm.

...

Megan Fox had a pretty convincing English accent--what? That wasn't her? Why wasn't she in the third movie? Did it take Michael Bay two movies to realize he had a bad actor on the cast? If that was the case, explain Shia LaBeouf.

Dammit, say something nice!

Okay, I think it was pretty progressive on Michael Bay's part to cast Frances McDormand as the second-hottest female on the cast ... by virtue of there being only two female actors in the movie.

Sorry, that's all I got. Let's just watch a YouTube video of a kitten trying not to fall asleep.



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