October 25, 2010

Guest Post by Cate Gardner: My Favorite Monster

Cate Gardner is a self-professed writer of weird things, so who better to ask for an opinion on monsters and the things that go bump in the night. Her latest collection, Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits, was just released this month through Strange Publications. Visit her site and that of her book. You should be pleased.


When Gef asked me to write a blog post for his monster movie marathon, I thought cripes, I don't watch monster movies. That is, of course, a lie. I think the problem is I don't necessarily see the monsters as monsters. Sure, I think things crawling from swamps or anything bug-like a monster but I don’t watch those kinds of movies. I like to sleep at night. I like to sleep without itching.

My problem is I heart Frankenstein's monster, mummies, zombies and (adore) vampires. Whenever I think of Frankenstein's monster I just want to hug him, I couldn't write a story where he was intentionally bad. Actually, I couldn't write a story about him at all because that would feel like theft. He belongs to Mary Shelley. As for mummies, I just want to unravel their bandages and make them dance. See, that's not scary at all. Unless of course, I start dancing too. I find zombies chomping down on folk comical--hence listing Shaun of the Dead and Fido as my favourite zombie movies.

I guess what scares me most are ghosts, but they're not monsters.

My all-time favourite monsters (still not comfortable with that word) are vampires. In the words of Queen--who wants to live forever? Well me, please, thank you very much. Sure, they have to avoid pointy, sharpened things - so do I. Pencils can be especially dangerous to the clumsy. And I'm certain I'd sizzle if you threw holy water on me, although I'd miss the sunlight because if I was a vampire I'd refuse to sparkle.

I've been trying to think what the first vampire movie was I saw, and I can't remember. That bothers me. I know they were already my favourite trope by the time I saw The Lost Boys. Side note: Kiefer Sutherland has to be the prettiest vampire ever (I never did take to Angel). I'm assuming I first discovered them in Salem's Lot or Fright Night; it sure as hell wasn't Count Duckula.

I hope it wasn't Count Duckula.

All the best,

-- www.categardner.com


  1. What about Count Chocula, Cate? (Kidding...kidding...)

  2. Fido! :-D I love that movie, right along with Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland. I *do* think I like the quirky ones best too.

  3. Aaron - Are you accusing Cate of being racist--or cerealist?

    Anthony - I saw Fido a few weeks ago. Not likely to be one of my favorites, but it might be my favorite Billy Connolly performance. :)