Starring: Shia Labeouf, Megan Fox, and a ton of loud noises
Directed: Michael Bay
Genre: Summer Blockbuster
I did not find this movie to be as terrible as I had expected it to be. Don't get me wrong, I still thought it was terrible, just not as terrible as I had preconceived. Perhaps expectations are simply set too high for a franchise that is based on what amounts to a brand of toys. I certainly won't expect riveting subject matter from any films in the future based on Lego or Hot Wheels.
I hate to sound like every other detractor of these Michael Bay monstrosities, but I'm simply perplexed at the success each movie has garnered in the box office and DVD sales. These are less story-based films than they are glorified exhibitions of CGI, as fans of the toys and cartoons have grown up to work in the movie business and get spend months playing with digitized versions of their favorite robots. You could savor far more enjoyment by watching your son play with his Transformers action figures than sitting through a staggering two-and-a-half hours of--let's face it--what amounts to ear rape.
Loud is too abbreviated a word to describe the acoustic assault I endured through the nonsensical action scenes of this movie. Meretricious may be an appropriately long word to describe the overly flashy, and ultimately vacuous film's nature. Plot? The effrontery to ask for such a thing from this movie. It's shiny, loud, and Megan Fox has been tacked on for good measure. Take your demands for story structure and cohesion, and take a hike, pal. This movie is an idolization of empty calories. Transformers 2 is the world's biggest Twinkie.
I've bemoaned my experience long enough. If you watched this movie and loved it, chances are you're not even reading this ... or anything else for that matter. And if you watched it and hated it, then I'm just preaching to the choir and should move on to a happier topic.
Like, when does District 9 come out on DVD?