JeffStrand has a new novel coming out this summer, and this time it's a
YA novel. Now, I've enjoyed his "grown-up" novels, so I'll
be very curious to see how he approaches a young adult audience. The
book is called A Bad Day for
Voodoo and it looks really promising. Jeff will stop by the
blog on June 19th with a guest post of his own, as part of his blog
tour, but in the meantime his lead character, Tyler Churchill, has
paid a visit to give everyone a bit of an idea of what we can expect
from his story. Enjoy.
by
Tyler Churchill (aka Jeff Strand)
I'm Tyler
Churchill. Not too long ago I had this insane adventure, with car
chases and body parts coming off and everything, which I wrote about
in the book A Bad Day For Voodoo. It's not my job to say that
it's the best book ever written, but I will say that if you
don't read it, the following conversation will definitely take
place:
[You're
walking down the sidewalk, whistling the merry tune of your choice.
Up ahead you see a friend.]
YOU: Hi,
friend!
YOUR
FRIEND: Hi, you! Crazy party last night, huh? I've never seen anybody
eat that many pretzels without getting a drink of water!
YOU: And
who brought the rhinoceros? I kept thinking "Whoa, somebody is
gonna get tusked!" but nobody did, which is good because it
would have been funny at the moment of impact, but not so funny once
we got into the screaming and bleeding and ambulances.
YOUR
FRIEND: Were you there for the ritual?
YOU: What
ritual?
YOUR
FRIEND: You'll find out. [His or her expression darkens, and
he/she gives you a wicked smile.] Oh, yes, you'll find out.
YOU:
Seriously, what ritual? There was a ritual? Where was I?
YOUR
FRIEND: When the time is right, all will be revealed.
YOU: C'mon,
tell me what the ritual was! You can't just throw something like that
out into the conversation and then not give answers! Tell me! I need
resolution! Resolution!
YOUR
FRIEND: I was just kidding. We were all sitting around playing Words
With Friends on our phones. Somebody played "rhinoceros" on
a triple-word score, which was pretty ironic. Actually, I played
"rhino" first and they added "ceros." So what did
you think of A Bad Day For Voodoo?
YOU: That
new book? I didn't read it.
[Several
onlookers gasp.]
YOUR
FRIEND: Excuse me?
YOU: I said
I haven't read it.
YOUR
FRIEND: You...you...you haven't read A Bad Day For Voodoo?
YOU: No.
That's okay, isn't it?
YOUR
FRIEND: Okay? Okay? Don't you understand what this means? It
means that you're not cool!
YOU: But
that's not possible! I do cool things all the time!
YOUR
FRIEND: It doesn't matter! This is the book that will define our
generation! If you're ever on a game show and the host says "For
twenty thousand dollars, please give us the definition of your
generation," you could hold up A Bad Day For Voodoo and
win the twenty thousand dollars!
YOU:
But...but...but...but...but...but...but...I thought it was just a
silly book!
[Your
friend shakes his or her head and sighs.]
YOUR
FRIEND: No. It is not.
SOME GUY
WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE IN THE AREA AND IS EAVESDROPPING ON THE
CONVERSATION: You really haven't read A Bad Day For Voodoo?
Wow. I heard that those people existed, but I never thought I'd see
one outside of a zoo.
YOU: You
don't have to be a jerk about it.
YOUR
FRIEND: Yes, he does.
YOU: Oh.
YOUR
FRIEND: I never knew you were so uncool. It's like our whole
friendship was a lie.
YOU: You're
making too big of a deal out of this.
YOUR
FRIEND: Do you see all of those weird-looking colorful waves that are
coming out of people's eyes?
YOU: Ack!
Yes! What are those?
YOUR
FRIEND: Those are waves of judgment. Everybody is judging you. This
will follow you around for the rest of your life.
YOU: No! I
don't believe you!
[You get
hit by a car.]
YOU: Ow!
Ow!
YOUR
FRIEND: That's what happens when you don't read A Bad Day For
Voodoo. Bad luck follows you everywhere. Watch out for that
circular saw blade.
YOU
[quickly ducking]: Aaah! That circular saw blade almost took
my head off!
YOUR
FRIEND: And you'll need your head to read A Bad Day For Voodoo!
Do you understand now?
[A
monkey jumps out of a tree and starts punching you in the neck.]
YOU: I
understand! I understand!
YOUR
FRIEND: Your coolness meter is running out quickly, but there is
still time to replenish it! Run to a bookstore or an internet and buy
A Bad Day For Voodoo!Hurry, before it's too--
[The
earth begins to crumble around your feet.]
YOUR
FRIEND: Oh no! It's too late! The world needed your coolness!
It's the only thing that kept us from being all dystopian and stuff!
[Zombies--fast
or slow, your choice--show up and start eating people.]
PEOPLE
CURRENTLY BEING EATEN [in unison]: Nooooooo!
YOU: What
have I done? What have I--
[Suddenly
you wake up screaming.]
YOU: It was
all a dream! Only a terrible, terrible dream! In fact, the book A
Bad Day For Voodoo doesn't even really exist!
SOMEBODY
(YOU'RE NOT SURE WHO): Yes, it does. It's just not out yet. But it
will be in June 2012. And you'd better buy it, or the next time you
wake up screaming, Effie Trinket will be drawing your name for
tribute.
YOU: Then I
shall mark my calendar, or better yet, pre-order a copy of A Bad
Day For Voodoo right now!
See? You
may think I made all of that up, but I assure you that my only
concern is for the safety of the world. And even if you don't care
about the world, you should read about the time that my history
teacher Mr. Click falsely accused me of cheating on a test, and my
friend Adam got a voodoo doll of him, and I jabbed it with a pin
during class, and things went wrong, wrong, wrong!
My
girlfriend Kelley, who is smarter than both of us combined, also got
caught up in the whole thing, and you will not believe the
kind of stuff that happened. It's crazy! I mean, we ran into this one
family who...well, you don't want spoilers, but it was one messed-up
family.
Oh, the
book is my completely true story, but the publisher put the name
"Jeff Strand" on the cover, because of some sort of ransom
demand. Just ignore that.
Okay, so,
you know what to do, right? Awesome. See you in June.
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