June 11, 2009

Media Moratorium: 3 Things I Don't Want to Hear About Anymore

When did the six o'clock news turn into the tabloids? Did I miss the memo?

It's too much. I can't turn on the television, go online, pick up a newspaper, or listen to the radio without being inundated with some of the most inane chatter and nonsensical voyeurism in the guise of "news." Well, here are three things I would sleep soundly knowing would never assault my senses again.

Miss California—the former Miss California – I can't think of her name, and I bet I'm not the only one. I just think of her as the generic blond half-wit who used the Miss USA Pageant as a platform to seek fame. She also managed to get the pageant, somehow, to foot the bill on her breast implants ... to boost her confidence. Judging by her unrepentant attention-seeking, confidence was never lacking in that girl.

She's against gay marriage—who cares? She a Miss USA contestant for crying out loud. It's the Maxim Magazine of beauty pageants. And she's not even Miss California any longer, since Trump finally stripped her of that crown because she would rather hobnob with the National Organization for Marriage than honor her commitments that come with the title of Miss Cali.

So, she's not even a beauty queen anymore. Great. Let's leave her alone now. She never had anything thoughtful to say in the first place, and all she'll ever amount to is another jabbering jackass on FOX News ... if she's lucky. Enough!

John and Kate – The Learning Channel used to be a good cable channel. Learning used to be part of their manifesto. I don't know what they are doing anymore if a reality show about these two is their top draw. I haven't seen a single episode—I've seen all I need from the plethora of segments and articles polluting every form of media out there.

I get that, with eight kids, they need the money to raise them. A network offers them a bunch of money to video-tape their lives? It's about as easy a payday as they'd ever come across. But, now it's become gosh-darn ridiculous. Being on every tabloid magazine is one thing—I steer clear of that mulch—but when once-respectable news sources start covering this abhorrent display of a soap opera come to life, I'm ashamed to share gene sequences with these people.

Octomom – When the hell did having litters of kids become a spectator sport? I can understand a brief discussion on the moral upbraiding of having multiple kids while unemployed. That debate stopped a long time ago, though. Now, whats-her-face is a cheap art exhibit of grotesquery. And she loves every second of it.

What's worse is the fact that television networks—probably TLC again—are looking to start a new show around her, and a show about a new family of sextuplets. Let the madness stop. Having an excessive number of kids doesn't make a family interesting; it makes them slightly odd at best.

To make matters even worse, Octomom and Kate are in a verbal feud. Over what? Which one is a more repellent on-air presence? Guess what, ladies. It's a tie.

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